Good Manners in All Situations, Adil Salahi

Good Manners in All Situations

Adil Salahi

Arab News, 7/3/04

The Prophet (peace be upon him) always emphasized the importance of good manners, alerting his companions, and his followers, to the need to show good manners in all situations. According to the Prophet, good manners include every good thing that is likely to make people happy and strengthen good relations between them, removing causes of doubt and friction. The Prophet recognized the needs of different people and allowed whatever was lawful. With children and young people, he understood their need to play and allowed them that, provided that whatever they played did not contravene any Islamic teachings. Some people look at child play as unbecoming and try to impose on their children a very serious outlook. This is contrary to human nature, because children need their play, particularly its make-belief aspect. The Prophet did not object to this. We understand this from different Hadiths.

Ibn Abbas says: “I was playing with other boys when the Prophet passed by. I tried to hide behind a door. He came to me and with his open hand, he hit me lightly once on my back between my shoulders, and said: ‘Go and call Mu’awiyah to come to me.’ I did, and when I returned I said: ‘He is eating.’...” (Related by Muslim) The Hadith is a little longer, but we need to emphasize the message of only this portion, which shows that the Prophet did not object to play. Ibn Abbas was a teenager playing with boys of his age. When the Prophet passes, he hides, perhaps because he is a little ashamed that the Prophet should see him playing. The Prophet goes to him and tells him to call one of his companions to come over to him. He does not reproach him for playing or wasting time. On the contrary, he gives him a friendly gesture to remove his embarrassment, before he asks him to call one of his companions whom he needed to speak to.

Aishah was also a young woman when she married the Prophet. She mentions that the Prophet used to let her friends come to her to play with dolls. (Related by Al-Bukahri). This Hadith shows that the Prophet was aware of the needs of his young wife, and took action so that her friends would come to her to play together. This should not be understood that they were children, because the Prophet did not marry Aishah as a child, but as a young woman. Yet it is normal for teenage girls to play with dolls, sew dresses for them and care for them as if they were real children. This is an expression of the motherly instinct women have.

In both the two Hadiths we see that the Prophet has encouraged, or at least accepted, teenagers play. Yet some of us look disapprovingly on it, which we should not do. But when play leads to something forbidden, the Prophet made his disapproval clear, as fits the type of play. Abu Hurayrah reports: “God’s Messenger once saw a man chasing a pigeon. He said: ‘It is one devil chasing another.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Ahmad, Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah)

Playing with pigeons is often made a cover up for some unacceptable behavior. A person may keep pigeons on the roof of his home, and he flies them in the neighborhood, but his real purpose is to look at his neighbors when they are unaware of his presence. He may cause some damage, such as breaking glass or dropping some dirt in their homes. Hence, Islam looks at such pastimes in a very unfavorable light. Uthman, the third caliph, often encouraged the killing of stray dogs and slaughtering of pigeons because of the harm they caused.

A different aspect of Islamic manners is clearly demonstrated by Umar, the second caliph. Zayd ibn Thabit was a close companion of the Prophet who learned much from him, becoming a scholar. He was the one employed by both Abu Bakr and Uthman to supervise the task of putting together the reference, complete copies of the Qur’an. He was also well known for his scholarship, particularly his insight into the Islamic inheritance system.

One day, Umar went to Zayd in his home, and sought admission. Zayd welcomed him. As Umar entered, Zayd was having his head combed by a slave girl he had. He lifted his head to welcome the caliph, but Umar told him to continue. Zayd said: ‘Had you sent for me, I would have come to you.’ Umar said: ‘It is I who need you.’ He then asked him about the inheritance of a deceased man’s grandfather. (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and Al-Bayhaqi).

This report shows the respect the Prophet’s companions had for one another. Umar, the caliph who was the overall ruler of a vast Muslim state, goes to visit someone who was very much his junior because he needed something from him. He could certainly have summoned him, and Zayd would have no option but to go to him, but Umar shows the respect due to his fellow companions of the Prophet. Since he had something to ask Zayd, so he goes to him, and seek to be admitted. He did not want to disturb anything Zayd was doing. So, he tells him to continue with having his hair combed while asking him about the problem that he was considering.

A different aspect of mutual respect is that mentioned by Habeeb ibn Abi Thabit: “They disliked that when a man is talking with a group he addresses one particular person among them. He should instead make his address to them all.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad). While this is not a Hadith quoting the Prophet, it refers to the first generation of Muslims, i.e. the Prophet’s companions who were the ones who transformed their life in accordance with Islamic values and standards. If one was with a group of people, making some point in the discussion, then he should direct his address to the group, rather than a single one among them, as some people do, particularly if that person has a distinguished position. To address him in particular may cause the others to feel uneasy. Hence, to remove any ill feelings, the recommendation is to make the address general.

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